7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change is a book written by Stephen R. Covey which exactly involves what I tried to say in my two previous posts, Mr Covey really hits the nail on the head. I haven’t read it myself but of what I’ve heard and quotes I’ve read from it, I know it’s worth reading. So you should go buy that book now!
However, when I say “for you, I’m a product of you” and “try to understand the reason behind the act” it is because I want you to be aware of that everything depends on our paradigms, and when you’re aware of the exist of paradigms you can start open your eyes and see the world and those around you with a greater perspective. Paradigm is our mental map, it’s how we see, understand and interpret our surroundings.
… I don’t think I’ll write more of this subject, with my two previous post and the already existing book of what I want to say, it feels repetitive and unnecessary. So in a few words, I just quote Stephen R. Covey:
What we achieve in life depends on what we do. What we do in life depends on how we see the world around us.
If you want small changes in your life, work on your behavior. If you want great changes, work on your paradigms
I have this great but burdensome gift. I’m really empathic. Everybody in need of help I try to help, even if I wouldn’t have the strength or time, I give people my everything. I can never hate anyone for the terribly things she/he does to me. Because I always try to understand. And I feel I partly do. At least I’m always able to find some kind of understanding in my heart. For example, If someone slander me of no reason, I feel with them. They’re either jealous, feel bad about themselves or is missing something in life, and when I’ve localized the problem I ask myself “what can I do to help?”. This is really hard to live with! Sometimes I would love to be like the majority of people, when someone behave badly I’d just be like “what the hell, she’s a bitch”, but I can’t. I want to understand why, and help. My over-empathic gene often makes me too self-sacrificing and I lose myself in others problems. I always think I’m strong enough too handle anything. But I’m not, nobody are. For example I feel bad when I can’t be there for everybody, I fail to help someone or if they fail themselves, and sometimes I collapse as being for months when I’ve given my all and got nothing in return. Those periods I’m really cynical and depressed, those periods I have nada faith in the human race. Then I isolate myself because of all the disappointments people given me. The disappointments they give when they can’t be there for me in return, when they’re selfish, when no solidarity exists, when they’re greedy, when they LIE. I will later on write a post about lies. You can do whatever to me and I’ll forgive you, because I’ll try to understand, and that’s why you never ever may lie to me.
However until last year I’ve been very naive, because my world had only existed of people with rather good families and economy. So a year ago my understanding and sight got wider when I met “the ones who fallen from the system”. People who live with scarce resources, people who lost their goal, people who lost themselves. This especially one young man really challenged my ability to understand. He had no education, he was addicted to gambling and had a big depth. He had had different jobs but got so badly depressed and anxious he couldn’t work. He borrowed money, even stoled money from his family to be able to have a social life. He had no real friends so he sat at the bar all day to experience a social context. Those who really cared about him he pushed away with lies, because he was to ashamed of the truth. He charmed women to have somewhere to sleep and eat, to have a home for the night. He had nowhere to go so he gave these women false love so they would let him stay longer. When they realized he taken advantage of them, they started to hate him.
This man lived and lives in a vicious cycle of desperate acts and our lack of ability to understand his situation makes us judge him, resulting in him staying in the same pattern. This man has as long as he remember heard how failed he is, so why shouldn’t he believe it? Why would he think he could be able to changes?
There are lots and lots of people in our society that’s in a similar situation as my friend, but we’re to blind of our own lives to see or understand them. Our society is built upon the formula: Get a education, start working, have a family and pay taxes. How hard can it be? Well It’s easy to think like that if you come from a family that support you both financially and socially. But that those who comes from poor family relationships and get kicked out as soon as they turn eighteen, should be able to make it all by themselves and live up to the demands of the society is absurd. I know I wouldn’t make it. So instead of rejecting people and/or avoiding them, we should be more understanding and give them human love, not judging glances or no glances at all. Which maybe is worst. People in need of help is everywhere around us, you can see them everywhere. So open you eyes and heart, and at least try to understand.